I posted a few days ago because my T had called me at home for the first time and it meant so much to me, although what I thought was her display of caring left me feeling scared of getting used to it or depending on it too much.

Now it's become obvious to me that she only rang out of a sense of duty. There are circumstances going on with me right now and T rang because she needed to check I had done what I needed to do. That was it. She hadn't called out the blue to voice her care and concern.

I rang her yesterday because I was struggling emotionally and she had previously said it was okay to ring. But the call felt different to the one where she had called me.It seemed she couldn't wait to get me off the phone. It felt rushed, she wasn't as supportive or reassuring. That was when I realised she had not called me to show her care, she had called to ensure I was practically doing what i need to do at the moment.

I am left feeling childish, rejected, broken. It was so nice that she called..now it is all clear to me.

I feel angry with her. I don't trust her anymore. I wanted so much to believe that she cared and it was a wonderful thing to be thinking of me, to RING me, but all along it was her duty to do so.

I don't know what to do now. I feel like it has all been a lie. I've always been someone to adovocate the genuineness of therapy but now I'm distrusting my own.