|
Mar 18, 2012, 08:00 AM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: May 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 1,309
|
|
My ex fiance and I had an argument and fight last night and I'm totally stuck for what to do about it. I probably should've called the police as soon as it happened but because I was in a state, having a panic attack, I couldn't. So here it is..
Firstly, I started off talking to him calmly when he waltzed in at 1.30 am. He said 'you're up late' even though I'd sent him a text at 11pm saying I'd wait up til he got here so he didn't wake me up and make my migraine worse, but not to be too late. So when he said I was up late, I came back with 'I TOLD you I was waiting up for you. I was about to bolt the door because you didn't even let me know you were on your way over so I assumed, considering you've had ALL day to come over, that you'd decided not to.' So he went on to say how he'd done it to avoid me because he didn't want the confrontation that I was giving him now. So I said if he had come earlier, I was in a perfectly good mood, perfectly happy for him to come in, get stuff, go out. BUT because he left me waiting, with a migraine, feeling ill and tired, I was less than happy with him coming to get his stuff. I asked what was more important than getting his stuff, he said he'd been playing games with a friend. So I asked why on Earth he'd been such a selfish pr*ck as to prioritise THAT over me, his stuff and his avoidance of an argument. So he got angry when I said did he not see that it made sense, and when I said to put himself in my shoes, what if I'd done that to him when he was ill? He said that he'd have calmly let me in, let me get my stuff and go. I came back with oh really, when you're ill with a migraine, don't trust the person coming into the place and absolutely shattered because that same person disrespected and totally disregarded you last night, causing you to have a panic attack.
He's done self defence classes and things like Judo and Tae Kwon Do so he managed to grab me quicker than I could stop him. Luckily I did stop him in time because he had clenched fists and I think he'd have had my face had I not stopped him when I did. He wouldn't answer my question wit a simple yes or no, he kept brushing me off so I asked him just to please answer me. He told me to move. I didn't budge. I said all he had to do was ask. So he said move, woman. Now I get that I should have moved because it would have avoided all of this, but he wasn't answering my question, I just wanted to resolve the argument and be done with it. So I didn't move and I said to him that I wanted to resolve it first. So he shouted move. I didn't move, and twice he came to my face after grabbing me and said "Move out of my way, WOMAN!!!" So when he grabbed me, I said not to dare calling me woman, I am not his woman and to let go of me and answer the question. He didn't answer and instead, pushed me into the next doorway, where I went backward and gripped onto the door frame. He then proceeded to put his leg around mine, tuck his foot behind mine to trip me backwards. Somehow, I stayed upright and pushed really hard to hold myself up and he bolted out of the flat because he knew he'd lost the fight and would have had to have jumped on me to make me move. He's now blaming me..
Secondly, there are bolts on the door which I have never ever used before but as soon as he left, I put them across and crumbled into a panic attack just as I rang a friend to tell him what had happened. Everyone's saying to go to the police because I found a bruise on my thigh this morning where he must've pushed me into the door frame or something, I don't know. But they all want me to go yet I'm umming and ahhing because I think I'll get the blame for not moving when he told me to.
I actually was the one who kept calm and just spoke to him about it. He was the one who got riled up and had a go, saying this is exactly why he didn't come earlier, because he knew I'd start whinging at him. Well yeah.. Understandably. He came at 1.30am ffs when I'd wanted to go to bed at 11 with a raging migraine! I'd been inviting him all day to come collect his stuff. He'd had all day but instead chose to go and play games with a friend and not get here until 1.30 AFTER I told him at 11ish that I was going to wait up until he got there because he'd wake me up coming in otherwise and make my migraine worse.
The only thing I said to him that obviously pissed him off was did he not think that by coming earlier when I was in a good mood and happy to leave him to sort his stuff out, he'd have avoided confrontation then? Did he not think that I'd have happily left him to it instead of leaving it so late and being so selfish and inconsiderate knowing I've had this migraine for 3 weeks? Ok, I asked why he's being such a selfish pr**k and obviously that pissed him off but it's no excuse... But I do feel like that would go against me. And me standing in the doorway not letting him past until he answered my question. But by that point, he was shouting at me already and by being rude to me there was no way in hell i was moving. I spoke calmly again and said all he had to do was ask. But he didn't, he just demanded.
I guess the part that makes it harder for me is that I've got the marks to prove it. I have the nail digs on my wrist, I have the bruise on my thigh but I still feel like I'll get the blame for provoking him by not moving out of the way. He's done this before. Not so bad, but he's backed me up against his car, clenched his fists and yelled in my face. I should've known then to leave. Funny thing is, my ex before him, hit a wall by my head one day to threaten me. I let it slide thinking it was a one off, then months later he strangled me and still I let it slip, apart from breaking up with him. I don't want David to get away with it but at the same time I've no idea what to do because i don't want to get him into trouble. But this is the second time in 6 months that he's physically frightened me.. And hurt me.
I really don't know what to do. His reply when I said I was afraid was, I quote:
"You wouldn't let me leave the flat with my stuff... I just wanted to be in and out.. I'm sorry if I hurt you.. I doubt there are burn marks."
.....There were definite burn marks that took two hours to go down. I just wish I hadn't had a panic attack and that I'd called the police as soon as he'd left. I really don't know what to do now 
Sorry for the ramble <mixed up> xx
|