I know this is long and am very thankful to anybody who reads it.

Long story short, I grew up in a household with extremely strict and controlling parents. I was a straight-A student, got a full scholarship to college, and graduated with a bachelors degree in IT in fall 2007, all while living with my parents. I landed a very respectable and well-paying job directly out of college. I had it made and my future was bright. The downside, I never had much of a social life due to my parents' strict rules.

After college, I moved out of my parents' house to a city about two hours away, and while I was doing extremely well for somebody my age in my career, I felt an emptiness because of my lack of social skills and the fact I didn't get to experience many of the things most other young people did in their teens and early twenties. I was laid off in November 2008 due to the economy but was extremely fortunate to quickly land an even better job, and it was a government job so that meant security even during recession. My loneliness and lack of social life however was continuing to eat at me.

The summer of 2009 came around, and I decided I was, for the first time in my life, going to have a little bit of fun that summer. What ended up happening is I tried desperately to make up for everything I thought I missed in high school and college. I got involved with a bad crowd, and ended up abusing alcohol and drugs, and leading a life of sexual promiscuity. I would stay out at the bars until 5am and then show up at work at 8am, several nights in a row. I lost all control of my life.

After a couple of months of this, I found myself fired from my government job. My parents had disowned me and my life was completely destroyed. To make matters worse, within a week of getting fired I decided to move halfway across the country to live with somebody I met on the Internet (stupid mistake). I moved, got a dead-end job, and ended up hitting rock bottom around the spring of 2010. My friend I ended up living with was very emotionally abusive and destroyed every ounce of self-esteem I had left.

It was from there I decided to clean my life up, and have been drug free since Memorial Day 2010. I moved out and got my own place later that summer. Things improved somewhat.

However, my entire life and thoughts are consumed with regrets for the way I took everything I spent my entire life working for and flushed it all completely down the toilet just for a couple of months of fun. I am still working my dead-end job which I hate, with little prospect of a career. My job is a customer service job which basically consists of me being screamed at and cursed at for 8 hours per day which is causing me to lose my mental sanity. I have been blacking out at times due to the stress and have cut myself a few times.

I still live every day with the damage that was done. I am constantly depressed to the point where the only thing keeping me alive is my faith in God, because all I can think about is what my life would have been had I not made the bad decisions I made. Every day, the day I was fired from my last job continuously replays in my head. I have tried to find a better job, preferably one in my career field and have found it impossible. I have had multiple interviews and it goes well until the interviewer always pops a question about my termination and my abrupt move to the city where I currently live. Its then I lose all confidence and the interview goes down hill.

I have thought about moving back to my hometown but its a small, retirement town and there is not much opportunity. Other than being close to family, there is nothing for me there.

The one thing I know for sure that continuing this pity party is not the answer, but I can't seem to get over it on my own. I just can't accept what I did and the fact I'll have to live with the consequences the rest of my life. I wish I could just go back in time and change it. I would give my right arm to go back in time to this date three years ago and relive my life and not make the same mistakes.

Anybody out there have any insight they could give? I can't continue to live like this and I am tired of wasting more of my life feeling sorry for myself, but I still feel so hopeless because everything I worked for is gone! Its getting hard for me to find hope anywhere.