I have several memories of my mother looking "down there" when I was around 10 and then at 16 years old. I let my mother look again when I thought I was losing my first baby - I was 27 years old. At 16 I contracted gential warts from my current boyfriend and my mother insisted on putting the lotion on for me to treat it.

She was horrifically sexually abused by her own father from the age of 8 years until a teenager and kept this in for 30 years. Do abused people always go on to abuse, whether it be emotional or sexual? She also used to strip off my children's nappies a lot when babies, I have 2 kids, I felt it wasnt right but couldnt say anything, I felt numb. When they got older my daughter would stay over and she would have her in bed with her at age around 9 and 10 years. My daughter is now 12, my son 10.

I had a bad breakdown about all this a couple of years ago and a child protection order was put on my mother for a year, banning her from having all contact with my kids. I was very ill and couldnt protect them, eventually my husband and I came out of the nightmare.

My mother is extremely controlling, she controls my 3 brothers (all adults) still and it is like she has learnt to be a different person with strangers (very charming etc.) but to her kids she is evil. I was constantly put down by her, told that I was hyper sensitive and she used to make fun of me in front of the others if I acted up and wanted attention. Oh and I couldnt be selfish at all and big headed, that was a no go.

I have just been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder as well (there is a huge family history of depression etc. on my mothers side).

I just want to try and get this abuse thing clear in my mind - I have no memories at home from around 6 or 7 years to 14 years. I remember if I felt happy or had achieved something at school I would squash these feelings completely as I felt I didnt deserve to be happy.

Any thoughts on this anyone, would really appreciate some help. Thanks

A couple of years