there's a ton of transference in this for me, too, despite ex-T's assertion that transference "doesn't exist in DBT." There are so many similarities between her and my mother, the biggest being their having abandoned me. They have similar ways of talking, the same coldness when feeling vulnerable or threatened, heck, they're both alcoholics even. It would have been great to have worked through some of that stuff with ex-T, but maybe it was too hard, maybe she was TOO much like my mother. I just try to remember all the ways she wasn't like my mother, too.