I can't really relate to having parents of different classes... However, I do know all about low self-esteem and depression. What you describe sounds like depression. And you say you have tortured yourself for years. I'm curious about that. I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. Have you sought help for any of this. Counseling? Talking to friends? Perhaps the university has someone you can talk to? Thanks for posting on here and i hope to hear more from you!