writing this here helped me, a lot. After I posted it I went and worked in art journal and wrote about some of what I was feeling, and I think just getting it out helped. I spent the rest of the day not thinking about ex-T, which is always nice. I love those moments when I think of her and then immediately think "hey, that's the first time today that I've thought about ex-t!"

If I knew a year ago that things would end with her the way they did and that I would still be standing on the other side of it I would never have believed either thing. I trusted that she would not abandon me, and I did not trust that I could survive it if she did.