sounds like for now, j, that music is a trigger for you. a big trigger. my first year of sobriety i couldn't read books and i love reading. my drug of choice was scotch. everytime i picked up a book the main character was drinking scotch! it was very triggering to me. so i put down the books. with some time sober the trigger wasn't there and i could go back to my reading-steven king in particular. BTW he includes a drunk in all his books as a reminder of where he has been. he is drug and alcohol free for many years.
are you going to your meetings and talking about all this? it will help. no reason to drink now that you are on your way to recovery. no reason to go into that negative thinking. your being sober is a positive thing you have given yourself. push out the thought of regretting everything about yourself. you are well worth looking at all the good things about yourself. make a list "i am good, worthy person because.... "read it often in every day. i know you are of great value. others do too.