I've heard that admission is the first part of healing. Whether that's true or no, I just recently was able to accept and admit to a trauma - and feel that I'm finally progressing forward. So I thought I would take it a step further, and "confess" here... to you... a group of people I do not know yet, but who are very likely to understand...

I was molested by my own father. He beat and choked me, and inserted something where it did not belong, all when I was kindergarten age. Later, he spanked me with a belt (barebottom) well into my early teens, while displaying a sadistic and perverted enjoyment in it. When I was in my 20's, he cornered me against my bed and confessed to fantasies of rape, and for raping actual women in his younger years, and then apologized for being a "bad father" to me. (He was dying, at the time.)

The damage done to me, mentally and emotionally, was extensive. I'm working on recovering, now. Getting my life back... for the first time, really. It's getting easier to speak of, each time I face it, though it still rips me apart inside. Suppressing the truth has taken most of my inner resources throughout my life. Now that I don't have to do so anymore, I feel a stirring of hope for my future.

I would have rather this been almost anything else in the world. I hate that my own father was this way. I hate that dad did all of this to me... and to others.

Thank you for reading. I wish you healing on your own journey, and love that does not hurt.