Thanks, Perna, that's sound advice.
That is however what I have been trying to do, make the I statement, saying I feel, etc.....and certainly how I believe I put things yest, unless I'm just thinking I did/or he still heard the 'you made me feel.....'. I was like, I felt hurt when you said that in that way, it sounded condescending to me, like you were talking to me as if I were stupid and exasperating.....and he was like, I don't understand why you can't just do what you're told.....
Ok, this was over a stupid toilet! He wanted me to clean the toilet.....well, so I did. I cleaned the inside of it, thought about cleaning the outside too, however I didn't, because my mind was on something else I needed to do next.....but he wanted me to clean the outside, not the inside. So, it sort of turned into a federal case.....and he was like, do you need me to show you how to clean the toilet? Or do you just want me to go do it myself since you don't seem to know how to or want to do it right? grrrr (I dang well know how to clean the toilets.....I am the one who does it 95% of the time anyway!) So.....what I said later was, I was hurt when you said that in that way; it didn't seem necessary to talk me like that......His response was, well, I don't know why you wouldn't just clean the whole toilet, most people would do that you know. Then he said, so I cleaned the other toilets for you, and I thought you'd appreciate it, but I guess you don't, blah blah. I was like, this is NOT about the toilets or me not appreciating that you cleaned them; this is about how I felt about what you said!
So....I felt hurt and frustrated that I tried to communicate my feelings in relation to his words without actually accusing him of causing them....but he felt accused anyway! How does one ever negotiate this interpersonal tangle anyway and not go nuts?! (there needs to be a hair tearing out smiley )