Quote:
Originally Posted by skysblue
I guess I'm not sure myself what I mean. But let's say we believe ourselves to be intrinsically selfish or lazy or greedy or self-indulgent or ....
So, let's say we learn by self-control and willpower to change some behaviors associated with our character flaws, does that mean we no longer have those flaws or that they're held at bay simply by continually flexing those control 'muscles'? And when/if we relax, those defects will become the default again?
Or as Chris mentions, these 'defects' may just be bad habits that can be changed into healthier habits?
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When I first saw the revived thread, I thought, hmm, my character defect is lack of empathy. Then I went back and reread everything, and I think that's what you mean, including FOR yourself; self-love. Because we didn't get it from our mothers; we don't have that voice in our heads saying, you're so smart and energetic, I'm so proud of you, you are so kind to other people! Didn't we deserve that for our actual deeds? Instead we got told how stupid and lazy we were. Lazy doesn't bring home A's, or a paycheck every week for 30 years. So that's why therapy: "it's the relationship that heals". Get some good mirroring. Maybe that's why I love clothes and hair makeovers - the professional sees the client's true form and pure esthetic potential, without all the BAGGAGE, and just makes it happen, boom! That's what it is, it's not character defect, it's baggage.
