Trigger warning- I will talk a little bit about what might be considered CSA.






Okay, I really need help to sort out a experience that I had when I was a kid. I think it maybe crucial to my trust issues concerning men and something T and I have been discussing recently and I am starting to wonder if I should bring this up to him, but I don't know how to sort this out. What to call it, if it really even matters at this time. This was not some kind of lost memory that I all of a sudden remember. Although the details are foggy, I do remember the day, then two boys, and have always carried this memory with me.

When I was I don't 3rd or 4th grade so that made me 9 or 10? I have a brother who is 5 years older that me and he had friends that he would bring around that were either his age or a bit younger. Being a silly little girl, I had a little crush on a couple of his freinds. It was silly, and they knew it. One day, for some reason I found myself haning out with two of my brother's friends by myself outside. And really to just cut to the chase, sexual things happened. I don't remember what exactly, but I know at one point they asked me to go home and get a skirt on to make it "eaiser." From what I remember I didn't say no. I know that it wasn't right, but as far as I know I was a willing partcipant. However, I can see how it makes me suspcious of men and no trust them- b/c I suppose I really was taken advantage of.
As far as I can remember it only happed that one time.. I am having a hard time labeling this event. Is it important? was it abuse? should I even bring it up with T, does it play into my trust issues? I just don't know what to do with this experience.

I could really use some thoughts, hugs, input.. I don't know.. Phew.. I can't believe I just wrote that all out and publishing it for people to see. I have only shared this with one person and that is my husband.