Ok, I get it.....about how changing the order of the sentence, or using I felt rather than I was, can change the focus and the effect of my words. And I can change my focus.....instead of being all pissed off that my H is being an insensitive a $ $ and compounding it by continuing to be one when I try to talk to him about my feeling and focusing on that, I can try to step and think, hmmm, what is going on in me here and how can I deal with that? I can learn to deal with my feelings and react differently ..... can't change that I did feel hurt, but I could change how I act/react toward him, so I don't perpetuate the communication breakdown/misperception issue.
I find it does help too to realize that some of what he says comes out of an insecurity or a perception that he's not enough as well as a perfectionist standard ...... so it's not that it means he really does think I'm a stupid child, or that I need to feel judged/wronged ...... I don't need to judge him as an all bad person either (just cuz someone has a tendency to act like an a-hole at times, doesn't they are completely an a-hole in general!)
I know sometimes I am highly sensitive and sometimes my past gets in the way too ..... when I hear him talk like that, I hear my mom and dad .... so sometimes I could be sort of going back in time emotionally and reacting to him as if I'm reacting to them ......
But I think in this case, I wasn't really over-sensitive/ over-reactive ..... I'm thinking he really did talk/act like an oblivious, insensitive a $ $, but I also reacted initially like a wounded child, though I tried to correct that reaction when I noticed it .....
Why can't this stuff be simpler ....... so many emotions/reactions/intentions all tangled together, words/actions that don't match, assumptions made?