Hi RainbowRoad, thank you for sharing your story with us. I think you are incredibly brave to take this step and acknowlege your pain. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. You did not deserve it one bit.

I want you to know that I truly understand how you feel and what you're going through. I was sexually abused by my mother and I'm female. She brought man after man home and they all abused me, as well. My mother held me down while men abused me. So, please know that you have someone here who understands and relates.

It may seem like the pain will never end and that you are destined for a life of emotional turmoil, but rest in the fact that it does get better. It won't be tomorrow, next month, or even next year, but it will get better. I never thought in a million years that I could have the healing I'm experiencing at this moment. I would get very angry when someone would tell me it would get better, because it felt like they were dismissing my current pain, and I didn't feel validated. But, I'm saying this to you because I'm actually experiencing the healing I've longed for my whole life. I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but I have an amazing therapist and lots of wonderful friends who are so supportive and loving.

Are you in therapy? If not, I'd really encourage you to seek out a good therapist when you are ready; only when you're ready. I won't lie, therapy will be hard and will get worse before it gets better, but you need to have someone to support you and to help you deal with your trauma experience.

You said, "I feel a stirring of hope for my future." That is such a big step that you recognize that, because feeling hopeful when you have experienced what you have is an amazing thing to have.

If you need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to PM me. I love to listen and encourage. If it's okay, here is a great big hug: