I get that in my head too ...... and then, too, that's kind of the way my H triggers me sometimes.
Yeah, I KNOW I am responsible for my feelings ...... but then, too, if someone really cares about me and has learned that certain statements are hurtful/triggering to me, then doesn't he have a certain responsibility to try NOT to trip that trigger - he may not be responsible for emotions/thoughts about it, but still, is he not responsible in a sense for the influence he has ..... and isn't there a responsibility to be more thoughtful/careful with hearts/hurts of those you love?
So I feel like it's a sort of 2way street in some sense ....... no, no one MADE me have a certain feeling, but that doesn't mean that they have NO responsibility or whatever for how they affected me (talking more about those closer to me). And I don't know.....do I entirely choose my feelings....or do they sometimes choose me and then I choose how I react to them?
I get this sort of thing with my H, like I did last night too ..... that it really is my fault/responsibility, the whole situation - that I could have avoided the whole dang thing if I had just done the job right, that I provoked and deserved his critical/condescending reaction, that there was something in me that hurt HIS feelings by expressing my hurt ones, and that I should apologize ..... grrrr ...... Of course, all of his feelings/reactions/tendencies/bad coping skills aren't my fault either....but still, the old old core belief of me being bad and being a stupid child and deserving punishment/emotional pain is still in there.