I'm sorry that you are struggling so much right now. I have a job, but it is a very toxic environment, and so I have been unsuccessfully looking for a new one. My job is the cause of my current depressive episode and is often the reason behind my cutting. It makes it seem like I have no future. I understand the wanting to be positive for other people. I try to be positive for my husband and parents, but it is very hard. Sorry I'm not much help. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.