What Perna said makes sense. As great as it is to have people to look out for us and love us, we are truly happiest when we figure out how to love ourselves. One of the most frustrating things I've found about trying to change something is that we know exactly what we need to do. We know that being healthier, eating better, etc. is what is best for us. For some reason though, finding that moment of inspiration or extra strength and actually making that change is so hard. Habits are powerful, especially when we don't believe we deserve better. Sometimes I feel like if I can't be successful at losing weight (and in my other goals as well) right away then I might as well not even try. I'm not sure if it would help, but there is a book called "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth. I found it to be really inspiring, and you've just inspired me to pick it back up again, so thank you for that. Please don't give up on yourself, and know that you deserve to be loved. Maybe you can take just one small step towards something that would make you happy and see if it helps?