i think, in addition to all the considerations you came up with about where he's coming from and how you could change your attitude, keep politely and persistently standing up for yourself by stating what you feel. You shouldn't have to be spoken to in a demeaning way. Don't go so far in changing your own attitude that you're not honest about your own hurt feelings. Just like you're working on your attitude, your h might need to hear a bunch of repetitions before he behaves himself better. And your t might need to hear it too, so that s/he doesn't think the issue is over with when you still feel hurt.