It breaks my heart that you feel this way. i can relate to how you feel. I'm not sure exactly how to answer your questions because im still trying to figure them out myself but you're not causing all of these problems. you cant change the way you view yourself as easily as what other people may think. You're therapist probably means well but if shes never felt this way herself shes probably just ignorant to how difficult and frustrating not being able to change is. Like sunrise said above, maybe asking her these same questions will help you guys come up with another approach to changing these feelings.