Have you seen the Eating Disorder books by Jenny Schaefer? I'm "just" fat, but when I read how her ED "talks" to her (she calls "him" "Ed") - wow, a) it sounded just like my parents AND b) it sounded like my own self-talk, and I never realized how negative either were. So she wrote about "divorcing Ed" as her way of getting rid of the thoughts. It was creative and helpful.

It also helps to look at why I am afraid, or just to realize I AM afraid, and other truths about how my parents treated me, or the excuses I made for them. I always said, I know I'm smart but nobody else knows it. Well, who is "nobody else"? I THOUGHT I meant that I wasn't meeting the really brainy guys I'd hoped to. The truth was, my family never thought I was smart, despite my report cards of almost all A's - because my older brother told my mother I only got good grades because the nuns liked me, and she believed him. I didn't find out about this lie until I was in my 50's. It affected my entire life. So - did someone need to keep you down to make themselves feel good? I think finding the reason behind your negative self-talk can uncover why it feels unsafe to change it. I would lose my place in my family and be all alone. My brother would hate me. etc. I would have to face these things.