I honestly don't know where else to put this, so I decided here.
I have this friend, but I won't say his name. He's also on here, so I'm praying he doesn't see this. I've known him for a while now, around three years, and we used to be very close. Like, super close, but now everything is different. We actually met each other online and would video chat often, which is how we got to being such good friends. I considered him one of my best friends because he's always so understanding, caring, and so much more. But ever since around a month ago things have changed so much.
He's become so distant. It's to the point where I feel stupid talking to him because he might not message back. I get upset, but I just like hearing from him. I know he has a dissociative disorder along with depression and some eating issues, but he also knows that I'm always there for him no matter what. He's one of those people that I just can't stay mad at. Now, I've dealt and still deal with what he deals with on a daily basis, but everytime I try to talk to him and let him know how I feel when he ignores me, my thoughts get all jumbled and I can't say what I need to say.
Like tonight. I skyped with him for about a half hour and throughout the whole thing I was crying my eyes out. I just wanted him to understand how much he meant to me, but there's this little feeling inside me saying 'don't try anymore. he probably could care less about you.' And that stupid feeling is killing me, because what if it's true? He says he cares, but maybe it's because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings? I don't know..
Basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm stuck, and I need help on this whole situation. I'm sorry if none of this makes sense. It's really hard for me to form my thoughts into words.
__________________
I may look happy, but honestly dear, the only way I'll really smile is if you cut me ear to ear.
One will make it better, one will make it stop.
|