Thank you everyone for your support. I've needed it this week.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I quit and go back all the time because, although I feel better right after quitting (unfettered, free, not trapped, a way to end the frustration, and because it is so absolutely effing stupid), within a couple of days I feel sort of sad and off kilter about it and possibly that could include missing the t perhaps. So I call back and make an appointment and we go on. Sometimes I go back and rage (this does not really faze the t so I do not worry about it) or express frustration and list her many failings (this does not faze her either although sometimes she will apologize) and so forth.
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This is how I've felt, Stopdog. I felt like I could finally relax when I called and quit... but then the anxiety and terror set in and I didn't feel better until I called and asked for another appointment.
My T gave my original appointment time away so I have to wait until next week. That's okay. I had called and cancelled with plenty of notice specifically so she could fill the slot. But even still, I'm disappointed that she didn't seem desperate to see me.
In related news, I have my first appointment with my old T on Thursday. Now I feel like I'm cheating. But I need to find a way to learn to open up, otherwise I'll just be recreating this chaos in all of my relationships for the rest of my life. I think it's time for me to move on and I hope my old T can help me sort through this mess I'm making of myself. All I want is to be healthy, I just don't know how.