Hi Colourbars,

My T is a male, and I am a female. It does seem to make it more awkward to talk about sex, but I specifically wanted a male, because I feel, in general, women are more judgmental.

Like you, I have a hard time finding the words to say. I end up trying (and failing!) to communicate by using a lot of innuendo, or leaving things half said. To be honest, it's not really working all that well for me. I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and just say what I'm thinking. But it's SO HARD. So, even though stumbling through and making my meaning unclear is not directly helpful right now, I think it will lead to me eventually being able to say the "real" words. Partly from exposure, and partly from feeling more comfortable with my T, as he continues to be supportive and not judge me.

How did I bring it up?

After asking for a topic change when I become uncomfortable with the current topic, he asked, "What do you want to talk about?"

And I said, "Let's talk about [boyfriend]. I'm feeling sorry for him."

and T said, "Why are you feeling sorry for him?"

and I said, (haltingly, stumbling-ly), "I feel bad for him because I'm not comfortable sleeping with him right now."

and T said, "Sleeping with him as in the same bed as him, or as in having sex with him?"

And I shook my head at the first and nodded at the second. And we were off.

So I guess what I'm suggesting is, one way to go about bringing it up, would be to state your general feeling, such as, "I'm feeling guilty lately." And when your T asks why, you can answer broadly, like maybe saying, "I don't feel like I'm meeting all my boyfriend's needs." And your T will probably ask for clarification with something like, "What needs do you feel you are not meeting?" And you could say, "in bed," or something. Work up to it that way. (I have no idea what your actual issue with sex is, so I was just using mine.)

Another option:
Someone else on here said before (and I wish I remembered where, or who) said that one good way to talk about difficult things is to start off by "talking about talking". By which I mean, start off with something like, "There's something I want to discuss with you, but I feel self-conscious bringing it up and I'm worried that you're going to judge me," or something. That's another way to "start" the conversation.

I'm personally against scripting an entire conversation, because you can almost never know EXACTLY what your T is going to say for more than a couple exchanges... (and if you do, why do you even pay to go?!) but hopefully these starting points will help you.