Hey essexgirl
No need to rush. You're still very young and there's lots of time. Because I'm a guy I don't think it would help to tell you about my first time. I'm not sure you even wanted any responses from the male perspective
Take your time and the right guy will come along once you start getting out more. Just be cautious and make sure it's the right guy. Try not to worry about the sexual part of the relationship. Get to know and trust the guy before you even consider that. There is much more to enjoy about a good relationship than just sex.
I'm sorry someone has made you feel ugly and hate yourself. Get to know yourself and form your own opinion about that. If there are things that you don't like about yourself, then you can try to change those things.
Try to find some things to do that make you like yourself. Usually those things involve learning, or helping others, or something like working with homeless pets.