I'd been doing really well only cut once in the last 3 months and that was almost 2 months ago.

for ages the relief from cutting hasn't been there anymore, not like it used to be.

yesterday I cut again and the relief was amazing, like how it used to be. I did it again this morning.

I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to stop - its working well so why would I want to stop? I know I should stop but there's part of me that doesn't want to.

I'm seeing A in 2 days and I'm terrified of what she'll say. I know she'll made me throw everything out. and she'll want me to commit to a safety plan.

it seems too scary. I just want to not go back. things are way to much right now and no one other than A has any idea what's going on, not even the friends I usually talk to. and now I'm too scared to talk to A.

I don't know what to do.