and ive tried lots of diff medications over the years. i get the same result with them all. depersonalisation and apathy are the two feeling i can best describe it as. i show little interest in things i should love, like playing with my kids, loving my boyf etc.

but without meds im so unstable i am a danger to myself and others around me. delusional, paranoid, irritable, highly depressed and rageful

I dont know how Im ever going to feel normal and joyous

Its a bad existence at the mo