I'm sorry you have experienced so much hurt and pain in your life by the people you trusted to take care of you. It is hardly surprising that feel life would be easier and more bearable without the desire to be cared for.

I wonder, though, if eliminating that need would be throwing the baby out with the bath water?

You have clearly experienced a lot of bath water. But the baby is still there too. I don't obviously mean a literal baby but the part of everyone that needs support and care. I believe it's a universal human need to give and receive care and you would be avoiding so much that is positive and good.

The relationship with your T sounds really positive. I wonder if over time you will experience more love and care for yourself and eventually that will transfer to your new relationships. It is so true that we each choose people who mirror where we're at and where our issues are. This doesn't mean blame...it's simply how it is. Once you have found a new sense of love and care for yourself and from T, you may find you can attract people who really do care for you.

Sadly, by shutting yourself off from care, as tempting as this is, you are really missing out on a lot.

From my experience the change has to come from within first. Then we are in a positon to make healthier choices of relationship.

Good luck!