Thank you all for your replies, they were all so helpful.

Perna - I love your suggestion. I double-bind myself sometimes by being critical of the critical thoughts which often leaves me feeling worse. I really like the idea that instead of telling myself that I shouldn't feel a certain way that I mock the critical voice for being so unintelligent in its own thought processes. Could you help me though - how will I be able to tell where the line is between mocking the voice and mocking me?

Sunrise - I really like the idea of having small attainable goals rather than abstracts. My biggest fear is being near people that make me feel emotionally unstable when I already feel quite vulnerable. My critical voice often forces me to be in situations where I do feel really scared. This can feel very overwhelming but it has also helps me to not withdraw from my life. I guess my biggest fear therefore would be to be in a vulnerable situation and not have a 'back up' plan or the safety of the critical voice because, as bizarre as it sounds, it keeps me in very well defined controlled boundaries. I'm scared that this other supportive voice that I don't have would allow everything to spill in and out.

KellyJo - I appreciate your response but I am sorry you are in the same situations. I hope you also find answers and ideas from this thread!

Hankster - no I've not read that book. It is an interesting idea to 'divorce' the critical thoughts. In writing this thread I've realised how much I am actually attached to my crical thoughts and how much I feel I 'need' them to feel safe. My therapist says that familiarity feels safe, and I always took that to mean - 'take risks only the weak do the same thing over and over getting the same results' - but what I have realised is that I need to talk about how much I need to feel safe, and that I don't feel any supportive voice will be strong enough to protect me. From what? Myself?

Rainboots - your reply was really helpful, thank you. I like the idea of trying to create a supportive voice by collecting positive things people have said about me. I know that when I'm in the middle of my negative moods I lose these so may be I should write them down? I am beginning to reach out more for support, perhaps I should rely on their voice until I find my own.

Growlycat - yes I think you are absolutely right. Perna's idea of not letting the critical voice have as much authority is more something I can do right now than saying something kind/supportive to myself.

Echos - thank you so much for saying that I will take risks when I am ready. I think I needed to hear that it is okay to be where I am right now but to not lose faith that I can move forward. I think perhaps when I say no to my therapist I am afraid of being engulfed by her. I think I get angry at myself when I'm not able to 'live up to' the expectations I perceive she has of me. I think I am very scared of being made to do or feel something I don't feel able to. I'm scared of not being what she wants but at the same time I'm scared of being forced to be someone I'm not for her. All very complicated!

Sconnie - my therapist has said the same thing to me. And I agree, I have the choice in regards to my behaviour/actions but I don't feel I have a choice over my thoughts/feelings. My thoughts come from my feelings not the reverse. Thank you.

Sannah - as you know I'm working on getting to the source of my feelings and I believe I'm a lot nearer than I was a year ago. However it does feel my feelings get in such a tangle that there doesn't seem to be a end at times! I, of course, will keep trying though.

** I apologise for the length of this post. I wanted to reply individually to each of your replies because they were all so insightful and helpful. **