Thank you Rainbow. I realize now I should have put a trigger emoticon on this post -- sorry.

I SI-ed when I was a teenager and then didn't again for a long time as I was getting treatment and maturing. Now I've reached a cycle in life where all this crud is coming up again and surprisingly SI is a part of it right now.

You are right about not wanting the kids to see or know about it. I'm trying to be very careful.

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.