Kind of X-posted from the depression forum with a few amendments.

So one of my closest friends just told me that he likes me as more than friends.
And so my mind does a word association game type thing and goes to relationships then sex and then what happened last summer.

(last summer I was drugged and raped while at a festival. Only one of my friends knows about it and I havent spoken to anyone else about it apart from over on the depression forum.)

My emotions are all over the place anyway so really it's hard to be remembering something like that on top of everything else.

But I dont want things to be awkward between us because I really can't be dealing with losing a close friend.

But I know that every time I see him, I'm going to be reminded of last summer. So I think that even if he managed to not find things awkward, I'm not going to be able to be around him.

And now I'm just crying and I think I'm going to be sick.

I just hate all this so much. Why can't I just not have any friends? Just be alone in a room forever. At least then I'd have nothing to lose and it wouldnt all hurt so much.

Sorry, just can't deal with this by myself. I know it's not big in the grand scheme of things, and it's not big compared to what some people have gone/are going through, but it still hurts and I have noone else to talk to. xxxxx