Because if I harm myself I am giving the power to those that victimized me.
The relief I feel/felt is temporary and false all I am doing/did is revictimizing myself.

I must go though life with multiple scars on my arms, legs and other places now because there was a time I did not care if I lived or died. I lived because others cared enough for me. Now I must care enough not to retraumize my body and soul and not to give the power back to the abusers.