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Originally Posted by Phoboxyl
As a person with Social Phobia most people ignore me. I take this as proof that they can tell that I am weird and inferior. I usually feel they are looking at me and thinking what a loser and a weirdo I am, and sometimes I feel they are talking about me and laughing. This gets intense when I have depressive moods but otherwise it is usually mild or absent.
I used to believe that girls ignored me because I wasn't hot enough, and that guys simply thought I was a freak. But, eventually I found out that I'm hot enough and that girls do like my looks. So since the last four years I was left unable to explain why girls were ignoring me MOST OF THE TIME, and if this has anything to do with why guys ignore me. While it felt very real, I started to wonder whether or not it was just in my head.
Over the last three years there have been about 3 incidents where random strangers pointed out how upset I looked while I was out at bars. I did look upset, because I was furious and depressed. I also had maybe 12 or 15 experiences where people were totally friendly and girls were interested in meeting me. All of these times occurred when I started out the night in an excellent (drunken) mood. It is like night and day!
This is all very confusing because it feels like it's not me and that the world is just persecuting me. I can't seem to control my behavior in a way that will make people like me. My masks don't work so I stopped wearing them, and even if I try to smile other people can sense something's wrong with me and they ignore me. It seems then that people really are ignoring me after all, it's not in my head, and the reason it's happening is because they can tell that I AM UPSET. Even when I'm only moderately anxious or mildly depressed, they can tell and they throw me in the garbage bin before I even get a chance.
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Different people pick up on different things. My boss picks up things about me no one else does. Some people will look right through you and know what you feel inside, some will basically just acknowledge you as a human being non specific, some will project things on you, some people will get you all wrong.
Sure, there are a few generic masks that will fool some people, sort of semi shallow, well meaning ones. But wearing a mask is an effort, even if all people do it but maybe to a lesser extent or with much lesser effort.
A lot of people react strongly to what they perceive is something wrong with another person. It can happen even if no one can pinpoint what it is they picked up on. Sometimes it is obvious why people avoid a person, but sometimes it is more of an instinct. Ìf someone avoids me like that, I can take the hint. And also it tells me that person is too stupid to give me another chance. Because we shouldn't be all instinct, we should be reason as well.
With social anxiety it is easy to interpret other peoples' reactions negatively. Some people sure don't avoid you more than they avoid others. Maybe they don't judge you the way you think. BUT, on the other side, people always look for and at others. Some sure don't have that interest, they are just less social, but quite many people sort of constantly scan the environment. They might do this passively, but they still do it. If something tells them you're different, they might mentally scratch you off the list.
People are being nice and say this doesn't happen. But it does. Some species shun a hurt individual, some take care of it. Humans have the option to do either. We're pack animals with all that comes with it.
There is no easy way to get liked. Basically I don't think it is worth the effort. Making a few real friends is not a hopeless task. Personally I'd rather have friends that like me for who I am. Sure it has hurt to be disliked, but it doesn't anymore. I don't care much what others think. I think bad things about them as well sometimes, so we're sort of even.
Something weird I found is when I let my quirks run wild, more people liked me compared if I held them back. I guess maybe then I don't seem insecure, and maybe even interesting...
And what is wrong with having a drink in a pub? That is what they are for...