Mixed_up emotions - what you wrote is very helpful and I do relate to it all. Thank you. My voice is exactly like yours it is horrid in that it is so nasty but at the same time I love it because I can rely on it. I know it will keep me safe. I'm not a big fan of emotions in general! I do need to take risks and trust. I am following a path of trust with my therapist. So how did you move forward? Any advice/tips?!

Roseleigh - I am glad you can relate. But there may be external things you do that you can intergrate as a 'good' part of you. Even simple things like smiling at the bus driver....don't under-estimate yourself!

Can't explain and Sconnie - I could may be use that for some of my behaviours although I probably already do tbh. Often I say 'i choose not to not try and self harm today because I'm angry' (lots of double negatives in that sentence!)....or 'I am choosing not to go to the gym even though I know it makes me feel better' but then I get angry at myself for making so poor decisions! I agree that the difference between choosing something and thinking you are not able to do something can be very subtle. And I think sometimes I actively self-sabotage...it is about learning the difference....