Growing up, I knew I wanted children and a family of my own. A "real" family, not a highly dysfunctional one (like mine.) I had a miscarriage in college and it still haunts me. (Not sure that's the right word)

My SO & I have been together for 5 years. He has twin 10 yr old girls from his previous marriage. When we first started dating his ex wife would allow him to have his step-sons (he NEVER referred to them as step. they were his sons) on the same weekends he had the girls. 6 months after we had been dating she decided he could no longer have contact with his boys. We do not know why. We think it might be b/c she got engaged and is now re-married. He still misses those boys terribly. He had raised them for the majority of their lives. I would consider them to all be my kids, if we still saw the boys. I do not refer to the girls as my step-daughters, unless need be. They are my girls. They call me mom, they call their step-dad dad. I love them with everything I have.

My SO & I decided that it would be best if we not have any biological children for a number of reasons. Yes some of those had to do with my mental health and the fact that its hereditary, some of it had to do with my physical health (these too are also hereditary), some of it had to do with the fact that he didn't want to be an older dad (he's 9 yrs older than me), and some had to do with the fact that we already have 2 beautiful girls.

Sometimes I still wish I had biological children. But then I think about how lucky I really am. I say lucky b/c his daughters CHOSE me to be their mom. They could've decided they didn't like me and that I was the "evil" step-mom. But this was/is not the case. In fact, they have told me that I'm more of a mom to them than their real mom. We wish that we had them more often (every other weekend, 6 weeks in the summer, and rotating holidays is just not enough), but we make sure that every moment we have with them counts.

When children come into your life, what you thought they would be like or wished they would be just doesn't seem to matter as much anymore. At least for me. I'm just great full to be a mom.