I'm so sorry MissMorgan. I have been where you are, and it is so, so hard. For me, I have healed, but even 14 years later I miss the child that was a part of me for a while. My life went on and I now have three more children for a total of four. This was God's plan for me, but I'll always wonder what might have been.
My heart is with you as you go on. I promise it will get better.
Bluemountains