Many of us have learned to interpret love that way because violence was often mixed with loving behavior. Or love was tainted with abuse. At least in my situation.

I think my own fantasies are my way of processing what happened to me.

On the whole, I don't want to actually act on them or act them out, but they appealed to me because they were familiar and all I knew growing up (abuse).

I am now attempting to reprogram my mind into having healthier fantasies and that's really strange for me. Painful in fact. I never thought that I was worth more than being abused.

Just my thoughts.

Take them or leave them.

Billi