SAWE - this is a very interesting question you've proposed. It makes me think a little more deeply about the whole process of forgiving others.

I think, for me, there's an element of dishonesty in my 'forgiving' others. Not intentional dishonesty but lack of clarity of my own emotions. See, I want to be a forgiving person and so I 'decide' to forgive.

Now, we all know that rational thinking is not the same as emotional responses. I have thought I had forgiven people but as it turns out my buried emotions about their treatment of me had not disappeared. And because of that I would find myself reacting in surprising ways.

So, how will I know if I've really forgiven someone? I can intellectualize it all I want but will I 'feel' it and know it's true? I don't know. I'm just pondering this question now.

And if I haven't really forgiven others, is that the reason why it's impossible for me to forgive myself? Very interesting dilemma.