Whoa! My mind is in pretty bad shape, but you sound like you're really, really suffering! I am so, so sorry! I know it's hard to think or do anything when you're in that awful state of mind, because I've been there and it's confusing. But, can you call your therapist? Or, pdoc? Maybe they can change your meds or give you something to help.

I wish there was something I could do to help you. Just know you're not alone! I am so sorry, please keep us updated. Feel better soon!