This may definitely trigger.
Yesterday I had such a good day. I had energy and no flashbacks. I even finished some DIY around the house. I thought if everyday can be like this one, I can survive. Woke up this morning. It was gone. Lying in bed, it felt like my brain is bleeding. It felt like there is a rock on my chest. I had trouble breathing. Got kicked out of bed by Mom, but had trouble hiding how I felt. Decided to go have my coffee and cigarette outside. Stepping outside I was back at the beach where I stayed a week in my bakkie (think it is called a pick-up, but small) after I got gang raped in a bar toilet. I saw myself sitting in a rock pool trying to get clean. Hoping salt water will heal me. I looked at myself and got so angry at that college student. Why did I put myself in a situation like that! Why did you drink! Why were you so f###ng WEAK!!! Even the childhood abuse I thought I dealt with is not giving me cooperation! I will get through this day.