A very thoughtful pastor once assured me that everybody has some sort of issues with self-confidence and self-esteem. People just deal with it in different ways. In my own opinion, we all have to find someone whose issues are compatible with our own!

Guys can be a lot more insecure than people think, and can hide it even from themselves. We want to be strong, we're "supposed" to be strong - big, bad, competent, able protectors and providers - but we also want to feel, to be vulnerable and tender and open and receptive to giving and receiving love. It's tricky at times to balance it all out. Some men are the obvious shy, hesitant "Nice Guys"; some compensate by being the brash, arrogant, I-fear-nothing-and-can-handle-anything type; a few seem to lack empathy or compassion and don't care about self-control, but no doubt have their own inner demons they struggle with.

I feel really, truly bad to hear how horribly some of us males have treated you. I think a lot of guys feel as I do - at times, we wonder what the <bleep> is wrong in the male psyche to lead people to pull that kind of selfish cruelty!? Some of us wish we could help undo the damage, or prevent it from happening in the first place. Chivalry isn't dead and idealism is alive and well ... it can sometimes be found hanging back in the far corner of the dance floor, wondering if it will be alone forever.

A lot of people, women and men, are afraid they'll never really connect or be accepted, its one of the most common and horrible fears we can have. I can empathize with that feeling.

Best of luck to you (((rainboots))) ... and kudos for your interest in "Timey-wimey stuff", btw.