I was with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years which covers my entire dating life till now. The last year we had encountered some problems but we were working through. Things were getting better. Just as I had started to get my feet back on the ground, feeling secure, he had a panic attack. His first, *I'm* the one with the anxiety problems, definitely not him. He didn't deal with it right away and it led to a lot of anxiety and depression building up. Finally, he saw the doctor and doc said he had to cut back on his stressors. His two big ones, and he can't quit work, left me. Ouch. Apparently, the events of last year have still been weighing on him. This led him to call, against my complaints, a break. This was back in February.

Recently I asked him, what I was to him, other than silent_tsol. Turns out I'm the ex. To me that feels so permanent. I know it's just a label, but I don't think you need to apply a new one for what he always called a temporary break. As much as I hate it, because like I said, I know anxiety, I know it sucks. I don't want to abandon him in dealing with it, I wanted to help him. But he didn't accept that offer. And I don't know if I can wait for him in this foggy, grey area of "not being the gf right now, but to be the gf again, when he's ready, but for now, completely single"

That's not to say I'm going to go out looking after lunch. Heck, I don't know the first thing about looking. Dating, any part of not being in a relationship.

I know this all sounds kind of cold and calculated. I do have a heart, and I am upset over losing/potentially losing/ leaving a 6 year relationship. I just don't think the full impact has hit me yet.

I know take care of yourself, find hobbies, etc etc. But I don't know where to start. I've never been much of a hobby person, and the ones I did have were very couple-y. I'm introverted and quiet and suck at making friends, and the ones I do have don't live nearby. They don't even seem that...worried? caring about what's going on.

As pathetic as it sounds, I don't even know what I like doing. I've just been waking up, going to class/work depending on the day, work, then TV.