Right now I am struggling to not let stress get the better of me. I spent two years of my life battling cocaine and ketamine addiction and now I am almost back at square one, except with pharmaceuticals.

I am abusing my Seroquel, buying Ritalin and Dexedrine off of people, and I am addicted to Codeine and Morphine. I have to take something to sleep, something to wake up, something to stay awake, something to stop my headaches (which are caused from all the use) and this is on top of my normal medications.

I keep telling myself that I will stop when I finish school in a month, or that I just have to get through the summer, the time when I usually get the most depressed (I spent a month in bed, cutting, almost comatose last year), then I say until I get through my birthday which is always a time when I get severely depressed or psychotic. Then I try and tell myself it could be a new year's resolution. I know I am just making excuses but each one feels like it could be the truth.

I just know I need to stop, and I plan to at the end of June, I am working two jobs, and going to school full time. I am so stressed out, and of course I turned to drugs. I started using again about a month and a bit ago, and it has already escalated to this.