Hi PatBateman,
Well, I don't know if you saw this but you should watch this and see if you get anything from it
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown..._to_shame.html
Also, being that you are a man, it can be harder to get in touch with your emotions because not only do you have a history of verbal abuse, but men are also raised to somehow find a way to stuff their emotions, as it is not manly to express them (As society proclaims)
Also you are a good looking man and often that can lead to others treating you differently, thinking you have it all happening, when you know you don't really, but that is not what others often think or believe when someone is good looking. So, sometimes other people can be stand offish and that can be disconcerting as well, and you may even be a target for comments that may even resemble the verbal abuse you had growing up, yes, that isnt very fair either. So rising above all this is definitely going to be a challenge at this point.
You are going to have to teach yourself HOW to slowly allow yourself to express emotions, and yes that is not easy and you have to be around others that CAN help you explore this venture that you can trust.
Somehow my mind is considering acting classes because there you can LEARN how to express emotions and it is acting so it can be a safe outlet. However you do have to be prepared for some critisizm and an effort to Make you learn to let yourself express. Maybe even private lessons at first if you can manage. And to be honest, we all have actors in us because that is what we are supposed to learn growing up. Now, I know that you don't have that right now, but maybe acting classes could be a way to relearn what should have been allowed out in your childhood.
Give it some thought,
Good Luck and WELCOME TO PC.
Open Eyes