Hi everyone - I've been away for a bit and have missed you guys. Since about November I've been struggling with some depression. I'd manage for a bit then crash...then manage for a bit and then crash...over and over, with each crash being worse than the one before. Well, I finally crashed right into the hospital last week with the most physically debilitating depression I've ever experienced. I've had plenty of emotionally debilitating depressions, but this one pretty much put me into a stupor. I couldn't lift a fork to feed myself. Hygiene went right out the window and I could barely put together a coherent sentence when I could speak at all. Once I decided I was going to leave the planet (in a rare moment when I could think and move), my husband and pdoc convinced me to go to the hospital. By "convinced", I mean that they gave me the opportunity to do the right thing and save them the trouble of calling an ambulance to take me in.

When I started to come out of it a couple of days later, I realized just how sick I had gotten and was glad I had gone in. That's usually how it happens. I resist until the last minute and then once I'm feeling better, it's like, "crap, I really was sick!" - but I can't see it before then, no matter how bad it gets. It's always, "oh, I'll pull out of it on my own", etc, etc.

So now I've started taking a low dose of Abilify and we're seeing how it goes. I'm home now, eating and taking care of myself again and am out of danger. Still feeling a bit tired and need to pace myself, but getting outside into the nice spring sunshine has helped.

So, I'm not sure how much help I'll be for a while, but know that I am here thinking of you all.