Actually, I'm Canadian... there's no money involved in it for me. I'm still scared to bring it up again though. ( partly because my anxiety is on a rise and I keep thinking it's not worth it and that she's going to get mad and she's going to think I'm pathetic and complaining about nothing... and that you guys are going to think that , but I'm trying not to let it get to me)

But yeah, I don't pay anything to go see her. I just also think they don't know what else to do. I mean... I can dislocate things that shouldn't dislocate without trauma (my collar bone for instance dislocated in my sleep one day). Mostly I don't think they know what to do, or where to start, and I don't either. And I don't want to be on even more meds... But I also want to be able to not hurt anymore.

I keep trying to look on the bright side: I don't feel pain very much. Crushing doesn't have a feeling, and it's really hard to pin me because I can slip out of some of the most extreme holds without feeling the pain. I just wish there wasn't a constant underlining hurt, or that I didn't have to crack all my joints to make it hurt a bit less.

I should stop complaining now. I'm sorry guys, I sound like a wimp. I'm really weird right now... I'll try and not be this pathetic again. Sorry.