Quote:
Originally Posted by TerryL
Does anything make you happy? If only we, and others, could accept that having a stone face is perfectly OK...we are not trying to hurt anyone.. that is just how we feel. I must say I do envy the reactions and friends chirpy, happy people get though... But I don't think I could fake a smile anymore. I put on a happy face at work for years when I was depressed and I hated it. I must clarify that for my situation, and this is not to discount your experience with your mother, my mother was very good to me in many ways. She never realized the affect her behavior had on me, plus she was like she was with everyone, so I didn't take it personally. Still, what we yearn for is perfectly normal and understandable. It doesn't help that I am a shy person. As for a solution...maybe the answer is within us? If no one can help us let's try to help ourselves. I am going to try too be more honest about who I am...egaaads...I hope you can get there too unhappy guy. Hugs to you dear one 
I did have another insight in case that might help--our mothers were not what we had hoped them to be for some things. Would it help to think that maybe they did not have a nurturing experience with their mother themselves? In case we are blaming ourselves for being unworthy of love, and dooming ourselves to punish ourselves, maybe we can see it as that they never learned to give what we needed from them, that it isn't our fault? and it probably isn't even their fault. It just goes back and back. It is an old premise but it does ring true. Would this viewpoint help? |
In my case, what was done to me (or, not done as the case may be) was done out of selfishness. My mother had a good life. A loving husband who was needy and who she could control. She was spoiled by 5 older siblings who she could manipulate to give her things. She was never thankful; always greedy. She had loving parents and a fun childhood that she never wanted to end.
I was treated as a puppet who she could use to buy her things. In reality, I was not the child she wanted. I was not good looking and she told me I was ugly. I was gay and she was embarassed for herself. I could be the obedient child she wanted but I was not what she wanted and she pushed me away. She did not want any of her children - all sons - to marry. We were to be her property. There was no advice, no encouragement to date or have friends. She repeatedly told me she was brilliant. That she could do whatever she wanted and we still had to love her because she was our mother. All that mattered was mom. She told me her problems but did not want to hear mine. PLEASE STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR HER.
As for me, there is no cure. Psychotherapy has not helped. It has not helped at all. It strings me along each week hoping to get better and I never do. I only end up more depressed.