I do that, particularly with things that I was really looking forward to doing. I did it more as a young adult/teen than I do now, but I still do. For me it's social events - dances, parties, etc. I think I convince myself that I don't deserve to go, and then I beat myself up over it because I really did want to. Social anxiety & avoidant personality disorder are probably part of it. I think maybe I was also reenacting patterns where my parents didn't like me to go anywhere or do anything or have social contacts, and they would refuse to give me a ride, or lecture me about peers being a bad influence, or something.

Rap