Okay, so I've been freaking out about this all day and I called my mom and the only thing she had to say was "take a pill and stop worrying about it" which didn't help and made me really mad on top of everything because I don't like taking my anti anxiety pills, especially if I can do it on my own.

So my roomie's parents are over this week. THey're staying in a hotel because there's not much room for extra beds in our two bedroom flat. I haven't been home for a week and a half, and I admit I left a bit of a mess because I left suddenly. Well, nothing's moved since I left: the food dishes are still there right where I left them, as are my papers and pens and tea mugs. My fish died over the weekend and my roomie emptied the tank, so now there's a disassembled algae-stained half empty fish tank on the dining room table. Also, BOTH sinks are filled with dishes, a few mine but mostly hers.

This happens a lot, and I'm getting use to cleaning up after her, so I was peeved but left it. She's not home that often anyway so I didn't think it was worth mentioning. Turns out she got home that night at 1130 right as I was going to bed. I freaked out (another thread) and then went to bed with the knowledge her parents would come over today. I figured later in the day.

I woke up to them IN THE HOUSE! The house is a mess, and I didn't know what to do so I sat at my door and eavesdropped on them till they left. Then I showered. Now I need to clean everything so they don't think that I'm a messy person, and so they don't think I'm a horrible room mate and a bad friend, and I showered and I'm going to wear something nice so they don't think I'm disgusting all the time, and when they get back I'm going to sit in my room and read so that I don't make noise or interrupt them. And I'm going to clean my room so they don't think I'm messy...

But they might think I'm being a ***** to Roomie and showing her up because she's messy. Her rooms a mess and hard to walk in, and they're mostly her dishes.... but they won't know who's they are.

I'm freaking out about this. I don't like having people come over, especially if they're over and I don't know them. I hate the idea that people are going to talk about me and think about be because it could be bad and I don't want them to think something that isn't true about me.

Maybe I should just leave the house after so that I don't disturb them at all.

OMG WHY AM I SO SCARED! I should be making this place nice for them not typing on here, but I wanted it out there first to people who might understand and not just say that I need to stop worrying about stuff that's not worth worrying about because they don't know how scary it is when someone just "drops in" on me, uninvited, and gets to walk around the house and look at my things and I don't get to say anything I just have to let them walk through and look and judge everything, and pray that it's good enough.

I'm going to eat ice cream now like stumpy told me...