If it's bothering you that you feel cold and emotionless, I'd suggest therapy. I've been in therapy several times (and am now) and it really helps. I think it's very difficult to get in touch with emotions by yourself - how? where to start?

And you're not a monster - on the contrary, you must have been deeply wounded as a child and learned to hide your emotions to survive. Working with a good therapist can help you open up and let those emotions out. It can be very painful, but incredibly freeing and liberating. I hope you find a way to do this - good luck!