The fact that you posted on here is a sign of bravery and strength in and of itself The fact that you were in counseling still yet another sign of bravery and strength. Reaching out to anyone for any type of help or advice is terrifying...or at least for me it was. I'm a borderline so "roller coaster" is my middle name It has taken me 7 years of individual psychotherapy to trust my therapist, begin to trust myself, begin to feel somewhat happy, begin to understand how self harm and suicide is futile (for me-I can't speak for anyone else) and I have been suicidal in the past, so I have complete respect for those who go through or have been through suicidal attempts. I respect the immense pain, and hopelessness that is felt, or sometimes just anger.
I'm sorry I got off track.
I just wanted to say that 1 month ago, I "chatted" online with a Suicide prevention hotline counselor because I felt horribly depressed, and had suicidal thoughts. I myself thought I had made progress and I felt ashamed that I was reaching out in a time of desperation when I thought that I no longer would have any more times of desperation and loneliness. All I know for a fact, is that reaching out to a Suicide prevention hotline whether you are indeed suicidal, or suicidal thoughts, or lonely...is NOT a weakness. I know it feels like it's a weakness, but reaching out for advice or help is just you growing stronger in better understanding your own needs for feeling better at that moment.
I saw a "counselor" 6 years ago, and she did not have the expertise to help me with my specific issues/fears. It was then that I realized that I really needed a therapist that was a Clinical Psychologist with a Ph.d . I had to go through many Ph.D therapists to find the perfect match. And it was nothing but desperation and hopelessness when I felt like I would never find a therapist that would take AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE to fully understand ME, my issues, and my fears. If you had an invalidating child hood, then at least 3 yrs of intense therapy is needed IF you want to actually change deep seated internal beliefs (or unconscious motivations).
Anyone that you find a connection with, who acts NO LESS than a professional therapist should, then I think the prognosis for treatment is good. They are very hard to find, at least where I live.
I personally would only stick with Ph.D clinical psychologists. I know Psy.D is basically the same, but in my experience it has been different. (just from my own experience)
I'm not sure if we ever get "over" the abuse. For me, it was more helpful LONG TERM to give myself a break...to TRY and look at it from the point of view, that I am a human being...I am not "magical"...I'm not psychologically set up to "get over" things that have caused me extreme stress, emotional pain, depression, etc. ...I'm only human, and as long as I'm doing my best for MYSELF to at least TRY to LEARN more about ME...not to "get better"....because eventually I will get better...but for now..to simply recognize that it's a journey in and of itself to see myself as a worthwhile human that is CAPABLE of seeing some potential in myself to enhance my OWN well being...and perhaps someday...some happiness will rise up in me. It's the hope of being able to ONE DAY be able to say "GOODBYE MR. ANXIETY"..."HELLO PEACE OF MIND".
So until that happens for you, keep working on finding "support" whether it's in college classes, group therapy (DBT), individual therapy (which is sort of a "must"), help self books, online, or community activities..although the anti-social behavior can get in the way a lot (or it did for my at least). No matter how much time it takes, YOU are worth the time it takes...to feel okay...and at times...great!